Monthly Archives: March 2010

L-O-V-E (The Zsa Zsa Zu)

Love. A four letter that word that we tend to throw around but do we really know what it means? Its a very powerful word and if not used carefully can cause a lot of damage. This past weekend I learned a valuable lesson on what it means to “love” and “be in love.”Lets talk about what love is shall we.

In the beginning, you fall in LOVE with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies in love with your partner wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love… because it’s happening TO YOU.People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.” Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something exciting just engulfed you. Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.But after months/years of the relationship, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your partner’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you and your partner reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.This is when relationships breakdown. People blame their partner for their unhappiness and look outside their relationship for fulfilment.But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship, it lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else, you could, & TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation months/years later.Because (listen carefully to this):THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labor of love”; because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your relationship work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner) to succeed with your relationship. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make it stronger.It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. ..you can “make” love. Love in a relationship is indeed a “decision”.. .. Not just a feeling.Remember this always: “God determines who walks into our life; it is up to us to decide who we let walk away, who we let stay, and who we refuse to let go.”

Written Sincerely & Most Thoughtfully

-“MAN”

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2 weeks

So, for 2 weeks I let my guard down. Its been 2 weeks since I last blogged. For 2 weeks I opened up and for 2 weeks I stepped outside of my comfort zone and enjoyed the euphoria of being engulfed by your presence. 2 weeks ago I was standing at a proverbial bus stop minding my own business and you pulled over and convinced me to go on the ride. For 2 weeks I was the person I always hoped to be embarking on a relationship. For 2 weeks I let you in my heart. For 2 weeks I’ve been debating when the time would be for me to break my fast. The last 2 weeks I’ve had a smile on my face, a song in my heart and daydreams in my head. For 2 weeks I barely recognized my own reflection because I was actually completely open with a man. For 2 weeks I considered you a person I could eventually love.

Then, at the 2 week point it took 2 minutes of talking with your ex and 2 hours of tears to make the walls of my fairy tale castle come tumbling down thanks to you. It took 2 weeks for me to fall for you but hopefully it will only take me 2 days to get over you..

Happy Monday–Black Heart is back.

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I Love You, Man!

So, one of my followers on twitter (@ralphdiesel) pointed out this morning that I, in the last week, have been quite the male basher. I’m not this feminist, crazy psycho man hater who goes around snarling and complaining about every man who has done me wrong since pre-school BUT I do have my up’s & down’s with the opposite sex. But, like I do with everything else in my life, I will compile a list of the pros & cons of men.

Cons-

10. They are emotional wrecks.

9. They refuse to take responsibilty

8. They really don’t understand women

7. They usually are big babies

6. They live by and dictate double standards. 

5. They suck.

4. Usually they’re bark is bigger than their bite (in the bedroom)

3. Most of them believe chivalry is lost in translation.

2. They’re men.

1. They think with their little head and not their big head.

PROS-

1. They have a penis and that is the sole reason why women continue to deal with their bull ish.

The single fact listed above cause the pro to outweigh the cons. The fact of the matter is men have a penis and women don’t- this is the sole reason I have not become an raging lesbian feminist, and despite all of the crap SOME men put me through, its the other men out there (and their penis) that make me smile. Seriously, I love you man!

This post is dedicated to @ralphdiesel. 

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real life brown sugar…

(FYI–this video doesn’t really have anything to do with this post)

Back by popular demand…(I am totally aware I have been slacking and am now back)

So…I am still on my hiatus from dating which has allowed me to see things more clearly. I am able to take in the world around me and focus on some of the things closer to me that I haven’t really noticed before.

A close guy friend of mine last week gave me the best compliment I’ve gotten in a long time.

Me: I have realized that yes I do have a few issues BUT when it boils down to it I really think I am a great catch….

Mr. Hardknock Life: You are. If I wasn’t in a relationship I would totally date you. Hell, if something happened to my girl and I, Lord forbid, I would wife you up right now.

I was so touched by this that I disregarded the fact that he used the w-word and teared up. (Yes, the Ice Queen is slowly but surely melting). He felt like I am such a great catch that he would place almost 7 years of friendship on the line to embark on a partnership with me. I was amazed seeing as how the #1 excuse for men avoiding relationships with “girl friends” is ‘I don’t wanna mess up the friendship we already have but I will sleep with you.’

Then it appeared to me, maybe I shouldn’t be so against dating a guy friend. Like I said a few posts ago, It would be the best of both worlds, and if we are truly friends, our friendship could survive a parting of ways.

So no, I have not ended the dating fast as of yet, but I will say that I have opened the pool a little wider for Mr. Future Husband because what would be better than to date someone that already knows you so well. Maybe I can have my real life “Brown Sugar” and get the buddy & the booty…

Tom Papa said it best “Marriage is not about your soul-mate, its about finding someone you can tolerate for the rest of your life and not throw up every time you think about having to sleep next to that person.”

FYI–I am NOT in love with my best friend….

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You can sit here, but no, I wasn’t saving this seat for you…

Today  as I’m scrolling down my bbm list trying to find my 17 year olds cousin name of the hour I discover that this guy I used to date has changed his bbm name (and his name has been the same on bbm since I unwillingly was bullied into accepting  him on my list) to almost the EXACT same as mine minus two letters (literally TWO letters).
I paused for a second, hesitating if I really want to know the answer (because that meant I would actually have to talk to him) and finally I could not take it, so I bbm’ed him!
BBM Convo-
Me: Soooooo, we copycat bbm nickname’s now? Lol! (I only LOL’ed so I wouldn’t sound like a complete jerk!
Him: I knew you changed yours for me. So I had to give homage to you back. You love it.

[Insert 5 minute pause, with the R looming over his message letting him know I clearly read it, I was completely confused, what was this man talking about]

Me: Oh wow….
Him: I was having such a bad day & I looked for your bbm so we can talk (in his head we are still together) and I saw your name and it made me smile. You remember our Kelis joke. Its good to know that you still think about me because honestly I miss “us”. [blah blah blah blah]

I promptly stopped responding because I could not stop laughing hysterically.

OMG. Is he serious? Seriously. When we were dating Kelis had a song on a CD called Galaxy which referred to all things intimate, so instead of saying “mess around” or “get it in” we would say to each other “Let’s space travel” (okay, its dumb & corny but it USED to be our thing). However, my ref on bbm had NOTHING to do with this, I never would’ve guessed this in a million years if he wouldn’t have mentioned it…

Why is it exes think if you are not dating someone else they have an open door back into your life. We haven’t dated in awhile so what would make him think that I woke up & decided to drudge up old memories and make a tongue in cheek reference to our sexual escapades past?

Dear Man I used to Date,
I will never refer to something we used to do together in my present day life. Its like this, If I am somewhere and there’s an open seat next to me and you come over,  I know this seat is empty but I wasn’t saving it for you, you can sit down here if you like BUT just note, I wasn’t saving it for you.

PS-Let go of Kelis’ cd & get Kid Cudi’s mixtape, pull it out and listen to track 3. Then you will know exactly what I am making reference too.

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he might be your best friend but he’s my boyfriend…

I like to think Brandy was the trifling “best friend” who secretly wanted Monica’s man…(this is in my own mind)

FYI: Compliments of the Cereal Daters, my writers block is gone….(thank you Kerry Crenshaw)

Let me start this off by saying 1 thing-Girls can be TOTALLY inappropriate!

Contrary to popular belief (Seth Brundle’s) I have been a girlfriend AND I am a best friend to a guy(s) so I am well aware of then thin line that exist between girlfriends & the girl best friend of a guy…if the following conversation’s/letters would take place, along with following the Rule Book given to us by Cereal Daters (http://ihatethewayyoueatcereal.wordpress.com) the resident’s of Venus would be a lot happier.

If you are a girlfriend dealing with a ratchet “best friend”– From the girlfriend point of view (what I say & what you SHOULD SAY):

Dear Jezebel,

I knew from the first time I met you, you wanted my boyfriend. Let’s stop masking your secret desire for him and mistaking that for friendship. There is a big difference between you being his friend and you answering his phone at 10:45pm when I am on my way to HIS HOUSE! I do not appreciate you sitting in his lap, I do not appreciate you “speaking up” on me in any negative way, shape or form, and I do not appreicate you constantly infringing on his free time that should be set aside for me. I do understand that you were his friend before I met you but I also understand that he chose me as his girlfriend so I would appreciate it if you respect me as such. Despite the disrespect you have shown me I will wipe the slate clean and give you one more chance to redeem yourself. Use this chance wisely and tread lightly.

PS: This letter should NOT be sent to: genuine best friends & should NOT be sent from: Gold Diggers, Jump Offs, Jezebels, Hussies, Yamps or any other wretched woman of that nature…

If you are a REAL best friend dealing with a less than friendly & cautious girlfriend of your male bestie–From the best friend perspective (what I say & what you SHOULD SAY):

Dear Girlfriend,

Hi, I’m [insert name here]’s best friend. I hope you have heard almost as much about me as I have heard the pleasant things about you. I want to get one thing across first, I do not want your man in any shape of way or form. I am quite happy that a girl of your caliber is interested in dating my best friend and I support your relationship 100%. I hope that we can become friend’s as you seem like a very nice person from what I hear and a gal can always use a good girl friend since they are so scarce and far between. If you find anything I do alarming or offensive PLEASE do not hesitate to talk to me directly as I would like their to be an open line of communication between you and I since neither one of us are going to go anywhere. If I can be of any help in getting you acclimated with our large and occassionally overbearing group of friend’s I will do so.

Sincerely,

The Best Friend

PS: This letter of approval does not go to-gold diggers, yamps, wack jobs, Fatal Attraction women, hussies, haters, Jezebels/Jump-offs, mistresses or any other wretched woman of that nature

Happy Monday Folks!

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