Monthly Archives: April 2010

Dating Purgatory….

According to Catholicism Purgatory is the condition or process of purification or temporary punishment in which the souls of those who die in a state of grace are made ready for Heaven. So basically, you aren’t going to hell but you sure as hell ain’t in Heaven yet either….

Well, despite the fact that lives purgatory is disputable, dating purgatory is DEFINITELY existent in the term “EXCLUSIVE”.

Let’s change the chart above to be as such, Earth=Single, hell=Booty Call/Jump Off relationship, Purgatory=EXCLUSIVE, and Heaven=Committed Relationship. As a single person you know exactly where you stand, you stand BY YOURSELF, you have nobody to worry about, no one to answer to, its just you by yourself. As a jump off or booty call you know what exactly what you are, you are a glorified sex toy, this is basically the equivalent of hell because at the end of the day you are exploiting yourself for sexual pleasure.

Now this is where things get shaky….after talking to Silent Scorpion of the Cereal Daters and the wiser half of the Good Wives Club, they were asking the status of me and my new beau. I was pleased to say that we were no longer casually dating and had reached the dating level of exclusivity. AND THEN my bubble was burst, What in the hell is exclusivity? It means that we are ONLY dating each other and are BASICALLY in a relationship BUT without the titles….now, until a few months ago this would’ve never bothered me HOWEVER, after my new found wisdom, I have come to realize that people are given titles for accountability. Just like someone is called the CEO and President at work, someone is called boyfriend/girlfriend and husband/wife for a reason–ACCOUNTABILITY.

For example–If I choose to be ratchet, I still feel entitled to do so. Why is this? BECAUSE TECHNICALLY I don’t have a boyfriend, and until I have a title on it I am able to do whatever I want to…right?

OF COURSE NOT…even though I TECHNICALLY am right, life and relationships NEVER function properly on technicalities. Once you get emotions involved nothing is ever black and white…its ALWAYS GRAY! Do I take advantage of my visit in purgatory or do I simply just start like I am in a relationship because that is naturally the inevitable right now?

So here I sit, in purgatory…on the verge of a relationship but not quite there. I am the mirror image of Carrie and Big circa Season 4 (Post Affair & Pre Aidan Pt. 2) Even when you overcome a challenge like COMMITMENT PHOBIA something is always bound to come up next like waiting for the commitment…the irony…

I can’t speak up on war, but I can guarantee that nothing is ever fair in love or matters of the heart…

Happy Day before its time to get Ratchet….

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Down. Set. Stroke.

In football, offensively you basically have 3 counts to penetrate the defense. Down, Set, Hike. After hike if you’re offense has not penetrated through the defensive line there goes your chances of getting to your ultimate goal which is TOUCHDOWN.

Much is the same with sex. Because sex is a full contact activity I like to compare it to a full compact sport. After countless conversations with my girlfriends about sex and what we like and don’t like there is one thing that determines how the rest of the rompfest is going to go…the initial stroke.

The daddy stroke, as we have affectionately begun to call it, dictates (no pun intended) the type of man you are when it comes to sex. This, for me is the BEST part of sex, equally as important as the finished result my orgasm. If I am parting my legs for you, you sir need to come with that eye opening, toe curling, back scratching, leg quivering initial entrance into my body.

Now, I fully understand that every man has a different stroke style and yes, some are definitely better (or suit my needs) more than others but overall, if you don’t come with it on stroke 1, you are pretty much guaranteed to get a tap on the back by stroke 4 letting you know it ain’t working (true story).

So gentleman, the next time you are about to offensively penetrate a woman’s defense, be sure that you are keeping the ultimate goal in mind, ORGASM!

Happy Friday!

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